Randy "Tex" Cobb - Heavyweight Boxing's Undisputed #1 Sharp Wit
12.12.07 - By James Slater: After reading a particular comment left on the Larry Holmes Hall of Fame induction article that was written by Ted Sares on this very web site, this writer was compelled to get to work on the following piece. The comment, left by "Rodent" is a perfect example of the incredibly sharp wit of former heavyweight contender Randy "Tex" Cobb - a man who was hilariously funny and in possession of a razor sharp tongue. The comment is as follows:
Article posted on 13.12.2007
In 1980 or so, there was a big dinner honouring heavyweights of the past and present. Joe Louis, Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier and Larry Holmes were all there. So were Renaldo Snipes and Tex Cobb. In his usual fashion, Tex Cobb got up to give a toast. He said, "I'm honoured to be in the same room as some of the baddest niggers ever." Renaldo Snipes stood up, and said, "I'm not going to stand here and let you call me a nigger!" Cobb said, "Relax. I wasn't talking about you."
Well, after rolling around in hysterics for a good ten minutes or so, I was inspired to see if I could find more examples of Cobb's comedic masterpieces. I'm glad to say I was able to, and here are the finest and most brilliantly amusing quotes I was able to find from Randy. I'm sure the majority of readers will enjoy reading the following examples of the wit and superb sense of humour Cobb had back in his heyday, when he was one of the toughest heavyweight brawlers out there.
You know, they say Muhammad Ali was one of boxing's most amusing and quick tongued people. And while Ali was undeniably funny at times, he was no match for "Tex" Cobb, as the following quotes from Randy prove:
"All I do is hit somebody in the mouth. It's a whole lot easier than working for a living. Don't make anything noble out of what I do." When asked how he viewed his boxing career.
"Sure, I'd love to fight him. But I have my price, twenty-five cents and a loose woman." On if he'd like to fight Gerry Cooney.
"You run for 45 minutes, you train for an hour and a half, and the rest of the time you just hang out and talk tough." On the typical day of a pro boxer.
"This fight will be the nastiest thing you'll ever see. I've been sober for six weeks, and that makes me vicious." On his upcoming fight with Michael Dokes.
"If you screw up in tennis, it's 15-love. If you screw up in boxing, it's your ass, darling!" On how tough fighting can be.
"I miss having bottle fatigue. Abstinence is for monks - not for me. This kind of life is really over-rated. I mean, I'm actually getting to sleep before I have breakfast." On keeping sober during training.
"I've always thought the greatest crime a man can do is take himself too seriously. I mean, something like fighting is pretty ridiculous to take seriously. What I do is hit people, I'm not promoting anything that is real or valuable." On how he looks at fighting for a living.
On the Larry Holmes fight, Cobb's biggest ever bout.
"No, Larry don't hit as hard as Earnie Shavers. No-one hits as hard as Shavers. If there was a fighter that hit harder than Shavers, I shoot him!"
"I wasn't talking to Holmes in there. Every time I felt like saying something to him I found it hard because he kept putting his left hand in my mouth."
"Hey, you're a white guy, do something about this!" To the ref in the Holmes fight.
"I'd have been more active in there, if only I'd been a little more sober."
"Let's party!" To Holmes as they touched gloves for round 15.
"I don't think his hands could take the abuse." On a possible rematch with Holmes.
And finally, three of Cobb's absolute gems.
"I can do my sport no greater service." On being informed that commentator Howard Cosell had hung up his mike after being so appalled at the one-sidedness of the Holmes-Cobb fight.
"Boxing writers are the only people out there who have less constructive jobs than what I do. I don't do nothing but hit people, and those mothers don't do nothing but write about what I do!"
"Yeah, I've been KO'd. Once. By a Mexican bantamweight. How come? Six of my buddies were swinging him around by the heels at the time."
He may have been no match for the greats in the ring; but in terms of making us laugh, nobody in boxing did it better than Randy Cobb!
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